Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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