I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
