some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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