Please don't use social media to get back at me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
