I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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