Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
