can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
