you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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