one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
