Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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