Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
