I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
