we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
