Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
