Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
