Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
