i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
