The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
