what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
