so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
ok first of all what the fuck
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
