oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
