I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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