dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
