ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
