Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
