Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
