Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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