Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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