I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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