I wannas sexs uuuuu
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
