Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
