I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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