she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
