my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
