2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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