id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
