you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
