Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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