just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
