His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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