He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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