Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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