it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Drake has all the answers
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
