If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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