My sheets look like a crime scene.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
