My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
