That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
