I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
