It's Friday. Sex?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
