I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
