Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i think my cat just said my name.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
