you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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