Three words: puerto rican gang bang
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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