I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
