There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
