paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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