Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
