Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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