Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
